Remember the Ashley Madison hack? The Snooper’s Charter hack will be bigger

If you’ve been living under a rock then you may have missed a draft of the Snooper’s Charterhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft_Communica… being introduced to parliament. It actually makes living under a rock quite a secure idea, so I’ll let you off.

Allow me take you back to July of 2015, those halcyon days of summer, when you could join up to a dating site specifically targeted at those looking for a bit of action outside their current relationship. Oh, heady days. The free love (if you ignore the credit card charges), the feeling of being wanted by people who you didn’t care about and unwanted by people you are supposed to care about. Halcyon days indeed!

But then, such horror! Nasty hackers got involved and stole everyone’s records. But why? BUT WHY! ┐(‘~`;)┌ They ruined everyone’s fun. They released records of Ashley Madison users onto the internet, where it will live forever, publicly, to anyone who wishes to search for it (no, that’s not a link to the data but to my article on that debacle).

Of course, you weren’t stupid. You didn’t sign up for this grubby little service. You’ve got nothing to hide. Phew! Fortunately, to make sure you’re not being lax, Theresa May and the security services have decided to put that to the test by forcing all telecommunications companies (and the whole charter is so vague it basically means any tech company) to hold data on all the communications you make, in whatever form or medium they may take.

The companies will hold your connection data, for at least a year. Companies like… erm, Talk Talk, who were recently hacked. Apparently by a bunch of teenagershttp://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/11/01/third…. How long do you think that data will remain private?

This will make it a lottery where everyone* plays. At some point this data will come out. Will it be yours? But I forgot, you’ve got nothing to hide. Yeah, right. Try explaining that to your wife or husband, your girlfriend, your boyfriend (maybe you have both) your neigbours, your co-workers or your 1000 facebook friends. What’s the point in having a non-public, carefully curated Facebook profile when some kid who balls only dropped last weekend has released 12 months worth of connection data onto the internet that anyone can find?

Still, everybody has a porn habit these days, it won’t be so bad.

*Note: Not everyone will be in this lottery. Everyone except MPs, anyone working at GCHQ, MI5, MI6, the police, your council… no doubt they will be exempted, because there’s no need for them to be transparent to us about what they do, they can be trusted. Right?

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